Connections Everywhere

Lately I've been seeing connections between so many things that I like and the way I actually live my life. I'm not sure if that's something we automatically do... if everyone naturally gravitates toward activities, sports, games, etc. that fit in with their views on life, or if it's just a strange coincidence in my case.

Gymnastics. I love gymnastics. One of my biggest regrets in life is being too picky about finding a gym when we moved back down to Corona and just stopping. I still get the urge to run and tumble, (which I can no longer physically do.) In gymnastics, the commentators will almost always mention something about consistency and how that is the most important thing a gymnast can have. "In gymnastics, consistency over flash rules the day." Then I started thinking, 'How interesting that the sport I love is centered on consistency. I love consistency.' I think consistency over flash rules the day for me every time too. In a relationship, consistency says way more than flash. This is not to say that I want things to be mundane and boring or throw spontaneity out the window. However, someone could do seemingly flashy things like little amazing touches, amazing compliments, generous gestures... but they don't mean much to me if they aren't consistent. Consistency speaks the truth of people's intentions, of their hearts. It's what comes out when we aren't trying so hard, really, that shows what we're made of. Beyond relationships, I long for consistency in my life pretty much everywhere. I want consistency with my health, with my classes, with work, with my friendships... it's when things in my life lack consistency that I find myself beginning to freak out. At least I've revealed a bit of a control issue... definitely something I can work on. But, is it really so bad to like consistency?

Another thing I love is chess. I've always loved chess. I'm such a dork that I was even part of the chess club at McKinley Elementary in 5th grade. (This says nothing about my chess skills, I'm horribly out of practice!) Anyhow, I know that my weakness in chess strategy is that I'm a defensive player. Often, that's enough to beat my opponent, but once in a while I'll play someone who actually has a specific strategy and they'll sneak up on me and slaughter me. The reason they can do this so easily is that I'm terrified to leave my King and Queen pieces unguarded and in doing so instead block them in so they can't escape either. Easy checkmate for my opponent. It hit me that I think I sometimes live life like this. I approach everything in a defensive way. Not a forward defensive way, rather a quiet one. Defensive driving, surrounding myself with defense mechanisms to keep my most valuable pieces safe, but in essence suffocating those most important pieces at the same time. It made me wonder... do I build up walls all around me? I like to think of myself as a mostly open person. There isn't much I won't talk to you about and all I ask is for you to be open and honest with me in return. I'm still pondering how I feel about this connection between how I play chess and how I play 'life,' and coming up with slightly more connections each time.

I like math because it is more of an objective subject rather than english or another subjective subject where each professor can give you an A for the same paper another would give an F to. Does that fit in with consistency? Or is that more of a need for predictability? No surprises, you do this, this will happen. Learn the equations, construct the correct proofs, integrate the functions correctly and you will get an A. I think I tend to approach my relationship with God, in many areas, in this same way. I know I did that a lot all through Catalyst. "God, tell me what You want for me, what You want me to do and I will do it, no hesitation." God put me through a huge stretching experience in teaching me that I didn't always have to know exactly what to do, that He wasn't always going to tell me and that is a huge part of true faith. Having faith even when there isn't a clear answer or process to finding that answer or arriving at a certain place. A lot of my convictions fit in specifically in the manner of knowing the consequence for certain actions and thus understanding not to do them. To some people, the way I handle my convictions and temptations often seem too cut and dry. Sometimes I've even been told it seems 'too easy' for me in certain areas. It's definitely not easy, but my logic has come to a point where it has learned the unpleasant outcome from indulging in what I want at the moment rather than what God really wants for me. I don't like those unpleasant outcomes. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid them. Along with the fact that I really, truly do want to please God. That's just the approach I tend to take. Too logical? Logical only to me? I don't know.

I'm not sure how I feel about all of these connections being so apparent in my life. Next thing you know, my study strategies will be a direct metaphor to how I spend money or my career drive to my MarioKart skills or possibly even my love for fluffy blankets and pillows connected to the type of people I like in my life. I'm tired now, so time to try to make the brain stop churning. It hurts.

Connections everywhere. Slightly freaking me out.